Perfect by Design
by PennyForYourThoughts024
Summary: Clay and Hannah's story, if it wasn't plagued by unfortunate circumstance. Alternate ending to Clay's tape.


**AN: Hey guys! So this took a LONG time to finish, but I could not be more happy with the final product. There are alot of emotions I wanted to convey through this story, beacuse the romantic aspect of 13 Reasons Why usually takes a backseat thanks to all the other heavy stuff going on in the show. Clay and Hannah never got the ending they deserved, so in this story, I give it to them.**

 **DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanfiction. 13 Reasons Why is owned by Jay Asher. Please support the official release.**

* * *

"Hey, you want to talk somewhere more quiet?"

"Hmm…sounds like a good idea. But where? This entire place is like a fish market."

"Well, fear not, for Clay Jensen will find a way!"

"…..You do not do a good Superman impression."

Clay laughed and said, "I wasn't even trying to do a Superman impression, but thanks for the tip." Hannah giggled and said, 'Anytime, Helmet." Clay smiled at the use of his nickname, and then started looking around for a place where he and Hannah could get some privacy. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He smiled and said unconsciously, "I like your hair actually better when it's not tucked away like that." Hannah looked at him in surprise and a bit of amusement. Clay looked back quizzically until he realized that he said that out loud. He said in a shocked voice, "Did I say that out loud?"

Hannah didn't reply – she just started laughing. Clay grinned, slightly embarrassed and said, "Now, see, I don't know if you actually think I'm a funny guy, or if that's just the beer hitting you." Hannah said between giggles, "Why not both?" Clay raised his eyebrows at her and she held his gaze. The two stared at each other for a moment before Hannah said, still trying to contain her laughter, "Clay. Weren't you going to find a place where we could talk?" Clay gave a start and said, "Oh shit, yeah I totally forgot." He looked around wildly before noticing a couple coming out of Jessica's room, both of them grinning like they slept with hangars in their mouths. He gestured to the room and said, "Why not in there?" Hannah nodded and said, "Seems private enough – let's go."

* * *

"You know, Jessica has a rock collection from when she was little….she used to water them, and treat them as her pets."

"Wow. How do you know?"

"Oh….we were friends at the beginning of last year. It was fun….while it lasted." Hannah gave a wistful sigh as she looked around Jessica's room. "You know it's weird, but in all the time I was friends with her I never went to her room." Clay shrugged. "I didn't even know you were friends with her. It's just….she's so popular." Hannah chuckled and said sarcastically, "Yes, thank you Clay. That made me feel amazing." Clay realized his mistake and said hurriedly, "No, that's not what I meant, it's just-"

"No, I get what you mean." Hannah interrupted Clay's bumbling and smiled at his face, which looked like he was still trying to figure out the best way to apologize. She said, "But yeah, she can actually be pretty cool and funny….I mean, she still has her rocks." She sat down on the bed and picked one up, turning it in her fingers. Clay said in a very matter-of-fact voice, "Well, I suppose one of the advantages of having pet rocks is that they don't die." Hannah added, "They don't each too much either….and they don't crap on the floor." Clay gestured to the one Hannah was holding and asked what its name was, and she said that she didn't know. The pair sat in silence, neither knowing what to say next, until Hannah said, "I got it. We'll name him Stone." Clay narrowed his eyebrows in confusion and said, "Umm….is that his first name or his last name?"

"Both."

"So his name is Stone Stone?"

Hannah nodded and Clay shrugged. "I mean, it's not like you can tell if he likes it or not." Hannah smiled and put the rock to her ear. "Nope, not a peep. So I guess he's ok with it." Clay smirked and said, "He? Who said it's a 'he'? Did you just assume its gender?" Hannah gasped in mock surprise and said, "Oh my god – I'm so sorry! I hope I didn't offend you through my careless actions. Would you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?" Clay folded his hands in mock thought and said, 'Well, Ms. Baker, perhaps just this once I can let you off the hook but you have to remember not to do it again." Hannah grinned and said, "You know Helmet, you do a good teacher impression. You should teach."

"Actually, I kind of already do. I tutor Jeff. His grades have improved a lot since I started to help him."

"Wow – then you have this down, no sweat. That's….awesome actually."

Silence filled the room once more as both fished for something to say. Hannah continued gazing at the rocks that Jessica had, and suddenly, she gasped and looked at Clay with an expression of amusement. "Oh my god."

"What?"

"Your name."

Clay looked thoroughly confused as he said, "Jessica and I were never close – I sincerely doubt she named a rock after me. And if she did it's a little creepy, to be honest." Hannah laughed and said, "No, you dolt; your name is Clay." Clay looked between the rocks and Hannah, who was trying desperately hard not to burst out into laughter, and understood the correlation. He sighed and with a smile, nodded and said, "Oh. Yeah…..it is. And I can assure you, I've heard _all_ the jokes."

Hannah raised an eyebrow. "Like, all the jokes in the universe?"

"Yup."

"I've got to admit, that's impressive. But you know….I actually kind of like the name Clay."

Clay's mouth went dry as Hannah stared at him, her eyes quickly travelling all over his face, awaiting a response. He brought his hands out of his pockets and said, "Well….I like the name Hannah." Time seemed to slow down as the pair looked at each other. And suddenly, without any hesitation whatsoever, Clay moved in and brought his lips to hers. It was a gentle kiss, their mouths pressing lightly against one another. Clay broke it and opened his eyes a fraction to see Hannah looking at him in a way that he never saw before. He kissed her again, and this time, Hannah responded, pulling him in. Clay sat on the bed, still kissing her, as she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He replaced her hands with his, the buttons coming undone one after the other. Her vest had already come off, and the two teenagers made themselves comfortable on the bed. They broke apart, and through gasps for air, Clay asked, "Is this ok?" Hannah smiled and said, "More than ok." Clay smiled and kissed her with more vigour, and she responded in kind.

The two lay down on the bed, with Clay on top. Hannah's shirt was just starting to come off, and her hands were wrapped around Clay's neck. Clay's mouth went to her neck, and he began to plant little kisses on it. He heard Hannah's breaths come short and sharp, and his confidence increased as he kept doing it.

Suddenly Hannah started pushing against him, crying 'Stop!' over and over again. Clay moved away, confused. He apologized, but Hannah still continued to struggle against him. He tried to take her hand and comfort her, asking her reapeatedly what was wrong, but she pushed him away, her body writhing against his. She eventually managed to get up and turn away from Clay. She took deep, heavy breaths as she tried to compose herself. Clay sat behind her, hurt and confused.

"Hannah, I'm so sorry – did I hurt you?"

"Just…..just leave me alone, Clay."

"Hannah, I – "

"You should just go."

Clay withdrew his hand, still very confused. Her tried reaching out to her again. "You all right…?" She turned around and said angrily, "I don't want you here – **get out.** " Clay stepped back, hurt. He started to put his shirt back on, wondering what he could have possibly done, muttering "I thought it was ok…." as Hannah stared out the window in absolute misery. The more Clay looked at her sitting there, so broken and sad, he knew he had to find out what happened, even if she hated him for it. He said, "Hannah, please at least tell me – "

" **GET THE FUCK OUT!"**

" **Not until you tell me what's wrong."**

Clay said it with such conviction that he almost didn't believe the words came out of his mouth. Hannah snorted and said, "Clay. I'm telling you one last time. Leave, now." Clay raised his hands in defense. "Okay, I'll go. But first you have to tell me what's going on. I'm not leaving without that." He sat down on the bed, waiting for Hannah to speak. Hannah looked at him out of the corner of her eye and said, "You wouldn't want to be with me, Clay."

Clay's eyes widened at what she said as she turned back towards the window. He heard the sound of her sobbing silently, and he felt an overwhelming urge to just wrap her in his arms, and never let go. However, he restrained himself and simply said, "But I do. I do want to be with you. I can't believe it took me this long for me to realize it." Hannah looked at Clay with indignation, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "Do you have any idea what people will say?" Clay shook his head. "I don't care what they say." Hannah gave a mirthless laugh and said, "Of course you'd say that." Clay narrowed his eyebrows in confusion and said, "Care to elaborate?" Hannah said harshly, "Because it's easy for you, isn't it, Clay? You're not the 'class slut'.

"Don't say that!"

"Everyone says it! Your ass isn't gawked at every time you walk down the hallway. People don't whisper things about you, saying that you're _easy._ And this!" She gestured to the room they were in. "Imagine if someone wa;ked in right now, Clay. What would they think? That I'm some kind of drama queen, and that I'm desperate to fuck someone. Tell me I'm wrong Clay. Go on, say it!" Clay didn't want to confirm nor deny what Hannah was saying, so he just remained silent. Hannah sighed and continued, "You don't know what it feels like. You don't know what I've been through. Every single day has been hell since that day I met Justin. **All of you are the exact same!"**

Clay's eyes widened as she stared at him, breathing heavily, accusation evident in her tone. He said weakly, "I don't whisper things about you. I don't think you're easy, or that you're a….y'know. I'm not like them…." However, he realized that he was trying to convince himself. He bowed his head, trying to calm himself down.

" **Yes you did!** When you saw that picture…."

Clay winced as he remembered what she was talking about. Hannah sobbed and wiped away her tears from her face. Clay sighed and said, "I…I was angry…but…more than that, I was jealous of Justin. And I was angry, well, because….you wanted him…..and not me." Hannah looked at him, suspicious and sad all at the same time. Clay continued, "I admit, I was an asshole, and…..I was mad at myself too. For not having enough guts to confess that I liked you." Clay fell silent as he broke her gaze and looked at the ground. He felt tears threatening to fall down from his eyes, but wiped them away, not wanting Hannah to see him like this.

"Why, Clay? Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Hannah's words pierced through Clay like a hot knife through butter. He said in a trembling voice, "I was scared, Hannah. I thought I was this fucking loser, who didn't know anything about girls, or about life, or about anything. In fact, I think I still am that loser." He chuckled dryly and said, "But believe me when I say that I will never, ever hurt you. I'm not going. Not now, not ever. I…I love you, Hannah." He looked at her expectantly, and she shook her head, shattering his hopes. He inched towards her but she shied away. Clay stopped, his breaths becoming slower as Hannah got up and started to gather her clothes. Clay said, "At least…..at least tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's bothering you. Why me?!"

Hannah stopped and turned around, looking at Clay intensely. Clay instincitvely backed away, expecting her to yell again. However, she sighed and sat down on the bed. She said in a soft voice, "I….I wanted to do everything that you were doing. So I don't know why my mind took me everywhere else. I thought of every other guy…..and…they all became you."

Clay reeled back, stunned at this, as Hannah looked pointedly away from Clay. She continued in a small voice. "But…you don't deserve to be put with them, Clay. You're good, kind, and decent. I don't deserve to be with someone like you. I'll ruin you." Clay felt the tears stream down his face freely as Hannah turned away, a sob escaping her. He wiped the tears away and walked over to her. He put one arm around her and simply held her. She held him tightly to her, tears pouring down her face. The two stayed there, finding comfort and solace in each others touch. Clay said in a heavy voice, "Hannah, I will always be there for you. I'll always be there to hold you, to help you, and to make sure life is worth living. Because your life is worth it. Even if it's only to me." Hannah looked at Clay, and saw that he wore an expression of honesty and conviction. She saw him extend his hand and say in a voice barely louder than a whisper, "Do you trust me?"

Hannah looked at his open hand with trepidation. Flashes of the people who had previously hurt her swam to the forefront of her mind as what they said repeated in her head like a tape recorder.

" _That's what sluts do."_

" _I thought you were easy."_

" _Did Justin finger you? I heard you went down on him."_

" _That list got it right – it's real tight."_

She pursed her lips as she thought about what a relationship with Clay meant. It meant that she was opening herself up to another person, sharing her secrets, her ups and downs, her hopes and dreams. When she had done it in the past, it had hurt her, physically and emotionally. She had felt lost, confused and broken. She had previosly decided that she wasn't going to rely on other people anymore and that things would work better if she just kept her head down and did whatever she had to do. But here she was, standing in front of the person – the only person, she thought, who truly appreciated her and loved her for who she was. Not because she was 'easy', not because she had a great ass, but because she was who she was – and nothing more. And she had said herself – Clay was different than the rest of them.

'Am I really doing this? Can I really trust someone else like that again?', she asked herself. Then she remembered what she imagined while the two were kissing. In the heat of the moment, Hannah imagined what her life would be like if her and Clay got together.

She saw a future where she was happy. A future where the rest of the school recognized her for **her.** She would have someone special to her and someone she could trust unconditonally.

 **She would have someone to live for.**

In that moment, Hannah made a decision – one that would proceed to change the rest of her life. She smiled at Clay and said, "Yes….I do trust you." She took his hand in hers. Clay smiled and puller her towards him. His hands automatically travelled to her hips, and hers to his neck. Hannah realized that this is exactly what they must have looked like at the Winter Formal. She gazed into Clay's eyes, and he gazed deep into hers. Both of them slowly leaned in, inching closer to one another until their lips met in a kiss. It was not a kiss fueled by passion, as their previous one was, but rather, a gentle kiss that poured raw emotion into both Clay and Hannah. Wrapped in each others arms, the world around the couple faded until it was just the two of them.

And for the first time in a long time, Hannah Baker felt complete.


End file.
